Divorce Blog

Getting divorced in England and Wales the relevant laws

Tips for getting through a crappy divorce day

Divorce days can be really crap

Some days you’ll just feel like shit. Maybe it’s today, perhaps you’ve just stumbled upon this site looking for divorce help after receiving a divorce petition, maybe you are wondering how you are going to deal with all these negative feelings of hurt and feeling low and are struggling for answers.

Here are a few points that might help you get your head around things, no solutions, just a few little tips borne from my experience of living it.

1. Go out for a long walk and clear your head - Its amazing how much a stiff brisk walk can help you unwind and release those tensions
2. Ring a friend and talk it through with them, don’t let your thoughts and feelings run riot, a problem shared is a problem halved
3. Just because a solicitors letter says that your ex want’s everything you own and a few dollars more, doesn’t mean that they’ll get it. Stay calm, pass the letter to your solicitor if you have one, or if not go and make an appointment to get some advice. You’ll feel better for having taken a positive step - give yourself a sense of empowerment and control.
4. Go out and treat yourself to something nice. Buy yourself that top you saw in the shop the other day, treat yourself to that nice box of speciality chocolates you like, or perhaps treat yourself to new scent for all those lucky people who are going to get to meet you at some point down the road.
5. Remind yourself that you are just having a bad day. It’s totally normal to have bad days. You’d be a weirdo if you didn’t have bad days. Divorce sucks after all, but it gets better, remind yourself of that fact and believe it too. Above all, remember that your friends or your family or your children all love you dearly, whatever has happened there’s nothing anyone on earth can do to change that.

Maybe you have some tips too, perhaps you’d like to share them here so others can benefit from your experience.

There are also  some interesting perspectives and helpful advice  on divorce here.

God bless

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Decree Nisi

Today I received a Decree Nisi (not final or absolute). Funny really, I was expecting a weighty ornate piece of parchment hand written in best olde english handwriting, and yet is nothing more that a plain old white piece of A4 cheap flimsy paper form D29 Decree Nisi.

So, the Judge agreed, the marriage has irretrievably broken down and decreed that the said marriage be dissolved unless sufficient cause be shown to the court within six weeks from the making of the decree why such a decree should not be made absolute.

And thats it, in 6 weeks or so it’ll be done and dusted, finito, kaput.

I think its good that I’m not that bothered. I’ve worked through a lot of the disappointment and feeling of failure stuff, but I’d be a liar if I said I don’t feel a tinge of sadness for a love once lost.

Oh well.

Posted in moving on, legal, getting divorced, general | 2 Comments »

DIY Divorce

If you can avoid using solicitors and legal professionals then it will certainly help keep costs down.

My ex and I have been separated for over 2 years now, which means we can just apply for a divorce without having to give grounds such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour. The fact we’ve lived apart is sufficient for us, and in a way is a good thing, as it means that we don’t have to get all adversarial as in she did this, or he did that etc.

In the UK, you can obtain the necessary forms from your local county court. Call them up, and they will send out the forms required. Its fairly straightforward. The tough part is filling the buggers in!

I guess Im lucky, in that my ex and I are on speaking terms, and have agreed how things are going to be.

As I have children, Ive decided its vital that they are put first. There really is no mileage to be had in being really awkward or obstropolous ( as much as I’d like to at times), as all I’ll do is damage myself and my children.

It can be very difficult mind, it is hard to put the anger, bitterness  and  ill will  to one side. It has to be done though, it remains unfinished business otherwise, and thats not good.

So, heres where I am in the process.

• Filled in forms got them all signed

The key parts of the forms were the arrangements for the children, and the finances. We managed to agree these without need of a 3rd party. Not everyone will be as fortunate and this is where some independant advice may come into its own.

Citizens advice bureau’s and other similar types of organisations have people on hand to give free advice and support in matters like these. If you are earning under a certain threshhold you can claim legal aid too.

The next step is to file them with the court, pay £300 and wait for a response.

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