Archive for the ‘general’ Category
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 |
I’m very happy that this chapter is almost over. Its been a hard slog. At times I’ve felt ripped apart, pulled to pieces by a range of emotions that I neither understood or could deal with.
I’ve learnt quite a bit about me and people. Somethings can’t be taught or bestowed, you just gotta live them. If you wan’t to build a house then you gotta put in the work, invest in the materials, learn new things, cope with setbacks.
Who to thank for helping me hold it all together? Lots of people really. Bob, Pete, Danielle, Jordan, Amber, Paul, Valerie, Del, Wayne, John,Eda, Dad, Dean, Dawn, Sophie, Maria, Richard, Anne and all the other kind souls who’ve been there for me in one way or another. I couldn’t of done it alone, and yet hat comments kinda silly, cos really I haven’t done very much at all, other than cope with an emotional and life crisis.
We all have to do things or come under the inspection of something that we’d rather not. There are lots of things we can avoid and hide from, lots of things that we can choose simply not to deal with. Divorce isn’t one of them, especially if you are the one being divorced!
I’m happy I don’t feel that rage anymore. Happy that the feelings of being lost and rejected are over, happy that I can now embrace my future with a renewed enthusiasm. I’m gonna work at hard at trying to be ok with my ex. I hope she can be happy too, happy with who she is and what she did. It wasn’t so bad, she couldn’t help how she felt, we’d both failed and that is that, I wasn’t exactly mr angel in the whole shaboogle.
Who is really to say that two people should stick it at it forever and ever? God? Nah, thats the church that says that, a piece of societal legislature aimed at building cohesion and stability. I don’t think any god would truly be content with people tearing lumps out of each other.
God is love, right?
Posted in moving on, general | No Comments »
Thursday, June 22nd, 2006 |
Today I received a Decree Nisi (not final or absolute). Funny really, I was expecting a weighty ornate piece of parchment hand written in best olde english handwriting, and yet is nothing more that a plain old white piece of A4 cheap flimsy paper form D29 Decree Nisi.
So, the Judge agreed, the marriage has irretrievably broken down and decreed that the said marriage be dissolved unless sufficient cause be shown to the court within six weeks from the making of the decree why such a decree should not be made absolute.
And thats it, in 6 weeks or so it’ll be done and dusted, finito, kaput.
I think its good that I’m not that bothered. I’ve worked through a lot of the disappointment and feeling of failure stuff, but I’d be a liar if I said I don’t feel a tinge of sadness for a love once lost.
Oh well.
Posted in moving on, legal, getting divorced, general | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 |
Today I received a “Certificate of entitlement to a decree”. Apparently the Court certifies that the petitioner (not me) has sufficiently proved the contents of the petition and is entitled to a decree of divorce on the grounds that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, the facts found proved being two years’ separation with consent of both parties.
I’m also told that I should take notice that the Court has fixed the xxth June 2006 at xx:00 for the pronouncement of a decree by a District Judge sitting at xxxxxxx County Court.
So its nearly done. I’ve mixed feelings on it all. I wish I could feel all yipee aye a about it all, but I can’t. I don’t really know how to classify how I feel really. It’s a mix of emotions. Sadness, closure, regret, bitterness, uncertainty, puzzlement..are just a few of the things that have occured to me. It kinda sucks seeing her as the petitioner too. I’m mindful that I left her 7 years back, I remember how liberated and free I felt. How much of a sucker was I for going back! Ha! Net reward, kick ass rejection 7 years on.
Divorce is a fucker. It bites you on the arse when you least expect it. Sometimes in the form of little missives landing on your doorstep, sometimes it simply engenders an inexplicable feeling of general all round shittiness.
Still, it won’t last forever, I know that at least. Good days and bad.
Where’s that glass of Chardonnay?
Posted in legal, general | 2 Comments »
Thursday, April 13th, 2006 |
Rant:harangue: a loud bombastic declamation expressed with strong emotion
So the paperwork came back from the court yesterday and I have to sign an acknowledgement and send it back.
I’m not a rich man, far from it. Like most I’m a paycheck or two away from debt, but I’m not complaining, I do what I do and get on with life the best I can.
I give my ex 20% of my net income every week towards the upkeep of my children. Occassionaly I give her a little more towards clothes and stuff like that. This week for example was Easter holiday week, so I gave her an extra £100 to help pay towards entertaining the kids. Not good enough by all accounts. Today, she telephones me complaining. She tells me (like she always did) that I should be doing more with my kids and that I should be giving her more money, and how I should be giving her more free time by having my children together more often.
Sometimes, well most of the time to be honest I just don’t want both my children together with me. Ive little space and they fight and argue and pick holes in each other trying to score points, trying to get me, the big mug, all angry or finger wagging at one or the other. Its tiring, and not a lot of fun. On their own I can have quality time with them, its better all round. Oh no, but not in her eyes, she thinks I should put up with them, just like she has to.
Yep, poor kids I hear you say, and yes I know they are suffering in all this too, always did, always knew they would too. Ive been there see, she hasn’t, she’s clueless . She seems to think this marital breakdown stuff can be all harmonious and plain sailing. Easy if you don’t have any feelings I guess. Maybe thats why she can be so matter of fact about it.
She uses my children as a stick to beat me with. She is angry still, maybe at herself and just finds it easy to attack me to assuage whatever turmoil is going on in her head. Maybe I should just get angry and go and beat her boyfriend up. She’d have good reason to hate me a little more then. I won’t though, but I do wish she’d just fuck off out of it and give me a break.
I hate arguing with her, its just negative shite. At times, she is devoid of any wisdom or compassion, she can only see the world through her angry eyes and refuses to really listen to any reason ( well mine at least). To her , I’m just that big unreasonable wanker who needs to get a girlfriend and move on.
Anyways in true deconstructive adversarial fashion, I reminded her that its me who’s paying for this divorce thing. I reminded her that it was her who started all this crap. I reminded her that it was her who wanted this fantastic life without big wanker me. I told her that she should think about that for a little while as she gnarled and bit my head off struggling to hide her contempt for me. Fight fight fight, not good.
When she and that gutless toad decided to ‘have feelings’ for each other, I must confess it hurt. Despite all my hypocrisy and everything else, it ripped me to pieces and left me looking back on my married life with rose tinted glasses. I forgot about all the rubbish. I forgot about all the back biting, nagging, discontented small mindedness that being with her entailed. Never happy, always complaining, dawn til dusk, she went to bed miserable and woke up miserable, sad sad woman. Discontent with who she was and who she was with, blaming everyone else for her miseriness, failing to see how judgemental and dictatorial she really was, always criticising, seldom praising, rarely prepared to actually contribute positively, preferring to focus on what she didn’t have rather than count the blessings she did.
See today, I got a huge dose of that stuff all over. A big reminder of her little rants, demanding that I do this and that. Not stopping for one moment to think of how all her previous attempts using similar behaviour got her or us no where. It wasn’t nice to feel all that frustration of hers, all her crap , all her shit taken out on me. Why I put up with it is beyond me. Sometimes I’d just like to punch her on the nose, or shove a big sock in her poison mouth. When I see her I detect an almost false sense of smugness, like she’s so much happier, yet at the same time I just know she really isn’t.
You might not believe me, but despite everything, I actually feel quite sorry for her.
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