Archive for the ‘anger’ Category
Wednesday, July 4th, 2007 |
I found a great website today. Its called wikivorce. It’s full of interesting little bits and pieces that will help soften the blow that is ‘Divorce’.
Divorce can leave you feeling like crap, whether you are the one being divorced or the one doing the divorcing. It’s never easy, it’s always personal and can be deeply wounding.
The main thing to realise though is that it is not the end of the world. It may well feel that way, you may feel crushed, smashed to pieces, torn apart seemingly unableto function properley. You may even begin to doubt your sanity as you grapple with very real feelings of hurt, betrayal, sorrow, grief and anger.
For what its worth, you won’t always feel this way, it will get better. Seek the help of your GP, they might be able to help you find a good counsellor or at least reassure you that what you are feeling is completely normal and understandable. Talk with your friends, your family, recognise that however awful it seems right now, however much you may be agonising over your children and your loss, it does not last forever.
Don’t allow it to consume you, don’t try and find escape through a bottle or drugs. Do something positive with what you feel - channel it into a form of exercise, join a gym or go for a swim, buy a bike and go for a cycle, go for a run if you must - you’ll be amazed at how much you’ll feel for it.
How do I know, am I a professional? The short answer is no, I’m not a professional - my only qualifications in this is that I’ve been through it. I know what it feels like, I know how much it all hurts.
Keep at it, never give up - it gets better.
Posted in kids, emotions, anger, divorce help, Divorce | 3 Comments »
Thursday, April 12th, 2007 |
The other day I learnt that my ex is pregnant. It pissed me off no end. I couldn’t and still can’t quite work out why.
Its helpful to summise and ponder I guess. Some people have suggested that I’m not really over her. I thought I was though, am even.
If anything I guess its sort of reawakened some of those feelings I thought I’d resolved. The ones that had an attachment to anger, treachery, betrayal and all of those other words that I tended to associate with the whole intial thing.
See, it all started with a pregancy back then. Long story short is that she lost a child and blamed me for it and never really got over it. For my part I suspected that it wasn’t mine anyway and was probably the result of a night with the guy she is now with, and now having a kid with.
A part of me feels sad for my kids too. My son is a little confused by it all and my daughter has mixed feelings on it as well.
Maybe i’m pissed in the manner of its revelation. It was my daughter who told me about it, she’s only 12. We were on holiday together and she said ‘Dad, I ve got to tell you something, mum’s having a baby’ I asked her how she learned of it, she explained that my ex’s bf called a so called ‘family’ conference and announced that there was to be a new addition to the ‘family’.
I think this is what has really done me in. That whole notion of family. My family after all was ripped away from me.
I know of course that I shouldn’t look at it that way, but one can’t help feel what one feels. It hurts. It doesn’t help also when you have an unsupportive girlfriend who doesn’t seem able to comprehend why I’d even be bothered, god what an emotional retard.
My point - My point is, watch yourself , it can still bite you on the arse.
Posted in kids, emotions, anger | 2 Comments »
Sunday, April 9th, 2006 |
I want to say a little something about negative feelings and how I deal with my own.
There have been times when I’ve felt consumed by rage. I have considered going round to a certain persons house and knocking ten tons of shit out of him. I’ve visualised myself doing this person a serious disservice. I haven’t though and I’m proud of myself for not doing so.
I had an awful reminder of how powerful these feelings can be. Last week, my girlfriends sister was killed. She and a boyfriend were stabbed to death and then burnt in her house. Her husband has been arrested and charged with their murders.
Now, he may not be guilty, he may well be entirely innocent, but…suffice to say I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes for the next few years.
If he is guilty then he has obviously let his rage consume him. Its a tragedy that he never managed to find a way of dealing with them, as the net result is just tragedy.Two people have lost their lives, a young boy now has to grow up without a mother or father, 3 families have been devastated.
Don’t get me wrong. I was never on the same page as this guy. I never contemplated murder. I was always mindful of the possible impacts of my actions too. Whilst I may have fantasised about pummeling the guy who interfered in my lifes face, I also considered the possibility that to do so, could have resulted in some form of custodial sentence or worse even. She (my ex) simply isn’t and more to the point wasn’t worth that. My children too had suffered enough already and really didn’t need to have their Dad in jail either, so Im thankful that I’ve managed to hold it together and work through the anger.
If you are reading this and contemplating revenge of some sort. Just stop for 5 minutes, just 300 seconds and think about the possible impact of your actions. Think of your kids, think of your parents, think of your friends, but above all think about you and your life and recognise that you are worth so much more than that.
Go scream at the wall, go for a run, get out on a bike, call a friend, call your mum or your dad. Do something with the pain, don’t let it eaat you up. She aint worth it. You are.
Posted in anger | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 24th, 2006 |
Divorce in itself is not an odd thing, its just a label for a process; the process of legal separation, the cessation of legally ordained marriage.
What it does to you though is certainly very odd indeed. I guess it really depends on the situation and whether you are on the giving or the receiving end of proceedings. I never thought that it would bother me. After all, I once left her, some 7 years back when basically I’d had enough of the perpetual squabbling, back biting, nagging and general miseriness. I felt exhilirated, free, at liberty to live a life how I wanted to, free from a person who did her utmost to attack or criticise my every move, and yet I went back to her. I couldn’t see her in pain, she was crushed and promised me she’d change, she pleaded with me to come back to her, she was in bits, and..well I still cared for her, I didn’t want to see her like that, to not go back and try again would have been cruel, at least that’s what I thought at the time.
So I went back. She accepted her part in our crap and we both resolved to move forward and give it all another go. For a time things were good. We got on ok, didn’t fight and I was kinda pleased that our relationship had been given the jolt it needed. We had a better appreciation for each other, or at least that’s what I thought at the time.
This time round, the shoe is on the other foot. I find myself out of the family home, unable to kiss my kids before they go to sleep and all the other readjustment crap that comes with having your marital life terminated. The weird thing is that even though I try and put my mindset to the fore of recognising that our marriage was a sham and that we were,for all intents and purposes fundamentally incompatible on so many levels, it does nonetheless feel pretty shitty to be on the receiving end. I guess its because she betrayed my trust and I kinda feel like she contrived the whole scenario just so she could get to be with some wanker I once called a friend.
Maybe its not so bad to feel like a complete fool. Deceit sucks, when you give of the best years of your life to someone and they repay you with what feels like the biggest kick in the bollocks you ever had, then maybe you’d be a little bit strange if you didn’t feel a little out of whack by it all. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m better off without the dumb bitch as well as remind myself of all her ugly ways, but thus far its just never enough. A hole still remains.
On the plus side, I’m almost over the revenge ideation and stuff like that. Im channelling my anger into positives and am determined to come through this whole thing a better, more rounded person.
Time does heal.
Posted in emotions, anger | 2 Comments »
