Saturday, October 6th, 2007
Ive blogged about all aspects of my divorce. I’ve ranted about my anger , I’ve ranted about how isolated and out of my shell I’ve felt, I’ve blogged on the practicalities of it all, how to get divorced, how to do it yourself and all that kinda thing.
What continues to surprise me though is how even when you think you’ve covered all of the bases that something somewhere will still hit you and leave you pondering what and why it is that’s ended up bothering you all over again.
My ex had a little boy recently, by her bf, the one who was once my friend. During her pregnancy my own children didn’t say too much on the topic. I didn’t either, to my shame I was kind of bothered by it all and couldn’t really deal with it too well. It felt weird, I was concerned about how it would impact my kids yet was troubled by my own feelings on the topic so couldn’t entirely talk with them about it in any objective way. I tried, but on most occassions I fucked up. I think they saw through my attempts at being all hey, this is perfectly cool.
And heck of course, it should be, I’m getting that now - people split up all the time, yet when you’ve had kids with a person and raised a family and it all turns to shit, then you can end up feeling like something was stripped away from you, like a part of you died, like something that really mattered to you had been unreasonably taken. It seems illogical of course and being a silly man, who at times is incapable of really appreciating what is happening emotionally, or even accepting that its normal and perfectly ok to feel disjointed and wronged and all that stuff.
Maybe its a depressive thing, but you find yourself thinking in terms of how everyone else seems to be playing new happy families whilst (if you are still single perhaps) you find yourself no further forward. You are the one who has the kids stay over every now and then, you are the one who hears about their ‘family’ holidays and days out, you are the one who is called the name of your ex’s bf by mistake, you are the one who quite often has to deal with the emotional problems your kids are experiencing, the one who can’t really discipline or offer proper guidance to, simply because you just aren’t in their lives enough or there is no really constructive dialogue with your ex. So you drift from week to week, just trying to make the best of it all and do what at least feels right by your children; yet it isn’t ideal because meantime your ex is busy building her new life with her new partner which happens to include your children, your flesh and blood.
Yes of course, to take this view really sucks I know that. And it’s not one of those thought patterns that hangs around too long. Yet when it does, it can really bite; especially on the back of a big life event that impacts your kids.
The right thing to do is to do every little thing you can to help your children see a thing (in this case a new family member) as a positive. Get them to talk about him or her, put a smile on your face as you hear them talk about it.Make it feel as normal and as right as possible, for at the end of it all, that’s exactly what it is. Remember that life is tough enough as it is without having to process all manner of dysfunctionalities later on in life.
If you do the wrong thing, your conscience will tell you. Listen to that conscience and try to redress your selfish behaviour. Be the adult, however tough, however difficult, be that person, you’ll reap the dividends down the road.
Posted in kids, emotions, moving on, Divorce, extended families | 15 Comments »
Friday, October 5th, 2007
It’s interesting to read peoples personal accounts on marriage. Some are funny, some are sad, some are outrageous. I’ll leave you to be the judge as to which.
Dispatches from the Emergent church
Apparently, all the anti-gay marriage ballot initiatives and other anti-gay campaigning have really been ravaging the perception of Christianity among the general public, and even among young Christians. |
Is Your Marriage Over According to the Law?
By Cindy Hide Whether you anticipate a change in your marital status or not, its wise to know what potential events can arguably trigger the end of a marriage because of the potential economic consequences. Each state varies in case law …
|
How To Get The Most Out Of Marriage Counseling
By Lee Dobbins Life is not a bed of roses and, sometimes, neither is marriage. After the flowers and chocolates of the courtship days, the “I love you’s” of the engagement and the “I do’s and till death do us part’ in marriage, …
|
Norweigan clergy won’t wait on gay marriage
Nils Jøran Riedl, chaplain at the Norwegian School of Management, told newspaper Dagsavisen that many ministers will defy the church by beginning to carry out gay marriages now. “There will be a certain amount of civil disobedience. …
|
Marriage Counseling Tips: 7 Ways to Handle Conflict in Marriage
How you answer these questions offers a clue into how secure your marriage is. Unfortunately, too many married couples let unbridled confrontations tear the fabric of their relationship. Every couple has misunderstandings, …
|
Marriage and Dating Guide for You
Always respect to your spouse is the first and foremost rule for your marriage and love life. You should not criticize your spouse to your friends or associates. You need to be thankful to your spouse and always appreciate them. …
|
Relationship Advice: Marriage Counseling for a Healthy Relationship
By Steve Roberts How do you know when it’s time for marriage counseling? Easy. Are you in a relationship, even a good one? Then it is time. Years ago my wife and I participated in an organization called “Marriage Encounter,” which …
|
Norwegian Clergy won’t wait on homosexual marriage
In sharp contrast to the situation here in Amerika, Scandinavia continues to push forward with gay marriage. In a prior post I cited a story about the Church of Sweden moving towards gay marriage ceremonies. …
|
Sex, Money, and Marriage
I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I …
|
Marriage Counseling - Charles E. Martin, Ph.D.
Marriage-Counseling.com e-mail cmartin@Clinical-Psychologist.comMarriage Counseling - Charles E. Martin, Ph.D. Aims to significantly reduce the divorce rate in America, by enriching couples and equipping those who have the ability to …
Posted in marriage | No Comments »
Friday, October 5th, 2007
Some people might want to follow the accounts of people on a day by day basis. Blogs are a great way of finding interesting content related to divorce and the circumstances that can arise.
You can check out these divorce related sites and blogs to see the kind of thing I mean.
Why family lawyers want an overhaul of the divorce laws - The Times
“Divorce has been hitting the headlines this week. Unusually though it is because legal leading lights are calling for reforms that would put the brakes on high-value settlements that have historically been the divorce headline-makers . |
How To Get A Divorce: Divorce Advice Every Woman Needs To Know
Step by step plan on how to get a divorce for women. Important information that can protect a divorcing women in the event of a bitter divorce battle.
|
Union dues a factor in a divorce proceeding
Union dues a factor in a divorce proceeding Elizabeth A. v Hector S., NYS Supreme Court, Judge Bednar, Not officially reported. Would you think that union dues could be a factor in a divorce proceeding? It was in the case of Elizabeth
|
Doctors and Divorce
… social demands, and perhaps unrealistic expectations about how work and family life could be balanced. Despite the added pressures, there are no reliable statistics to suggest that rates of divorce among physicians |
Rebound Relationships
A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break – up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from…
|
America’s Divorce Myth
Justin Wolfers, guest-blogging on Marginal Revolution, points out that it is a myth that divorce rates in America are rising. On the contrary, he writes, divorce rates in the US have actually been falling over the last 25 years. …
|
Heather Mills bitter divorce battle
Former model Heather Mills is in a bitter divorce battle with husband and a legend in the music scene Paul McCartney. Their relationship is improving over the past months. Heather is also looking for a house that’s near Paul for their …
|
Patient Troubled By Pain She Feels Over Doctor’s Divorce
DEAR ABBY: It has recently come to my attention that my doctor was married for almost 20 years and divorced his wife to marry a much younger woman. I am upset over this because I feel he just threw her away after she had four children …
Posted in divorce help, Divorce, divorce law | No Comments »
