Getting through divorce dealing with the feelings
UK visitors buy Divorce Help items here.
I found a great website today. Its called wikivorce. It’s full of interesting little bits and pieces that will help soften the blow that is ‘Divorce’.
Divorce can leave you feeling like crap, whether you are the one being divorced or the one doing the divorcing. It’s never easy, it’s always personal and can be deeply wounding.
The main thing to realise though is that it is not the end of the world. It may well feel that way, you may feel crushed, smashed to pieces, torn apart seemingly unableto function properley. You may even begin to doubt your sanity as you grapple with very real feelings of hurt, betrayal, sorrow, grief and anger.
For what its worth, you won’t always feel this way, it will get better. Seek the help of your GP, they might be able to help you find a good counsellor or at least reassure you that what you are feeling is completely normal and understandable. Talk with your friends, your family, recognise that however awful it seems right now, however much you may be agonising over your children and your loss, it does not last forever.
Don’t allow it to consume you, don’t try and find escape through a bottle or drugs. Do something positive with what you feel – channel it into a form of exercise, join a gym or go for a swim, buy a bike and go for a cycle, go for a run if you must – you’ll be amazed at how much you’ll feel for it.
How do I know, am I a professional? The short answer is no, I’m not a professional – my only qualifications in this is that I’ve been through it. I know what it feels like, I know how much it all hurts.
Keep at it, never give up – it gets better.
More books on Divorce
A great book on dealing with divorce - How to Have a Healthy Divorce: A Relate Guide
Putting Children First: A Handbook for Separated Parents
September 22nd, 2007 at 5:32 am
Just a little note on the benefit of dealing with the feelings well. The pay off is that you are likely to get along better with your former partner for discussing ongoing parenting issues. I say this from my experience as a divorce mediator over the last 4 years. The normal hurt, disappointment and anger from divorce can really make some parents struggle to co-parent.
Islina Ricci provides a couple of excellent chapters in her book “Mom’s House, Dad’s House” on the process of lowering the emotional charge with your ex. She calls this the “retreat from intimacy” and gives a number of practical strategies. I have written abou this topic in a recent article:
http://www.commonground.net.au/Article_Relating_Tips_for_Separated_Parents.html
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:45 am
Thanks for that Ebohr, that’s some great advice there.
February 20th, 2008 at 9:06 am
A Woman’s Guide To Surviving A Divorce will show you the way