Revenge isn’t worth it. Everybody loses
UK visitors buy Divorce Help items here.
I want to say a little something about negative feelings and how I deal with my own.
There have been times when I’ve felt consumed by rage. I have considered going round to a certain persons house and knocking ten tons of shit out of him. I’ve visualised myself doing this person a serious disservice. I haven’t though and I’m proud of myself for not doing so.
I had an awful reminder of how powerful these feelings can be. Last week, my girlfriends sister was killed. She and a boyfriend were stabbed to death and then burnt in her house. Her husband has been arrested and charged with their murders.
Now, he may not be guilty, he may well be entirely innocent, but…suffice to say I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes for the next few years.
If he is guilty then he has obviously let his rage consume him. Its a tragedy that he never managed to find a way of dealing with them, as the net result is just tragedy.Two people have lost their lives, a young boy now has to grow up without a mother or father, 3 families have been devastated.
Don’t get me wrong. I was never on the same page as this guy. I never contemplated murder. I was always mindful of the possible impacts of my actions too. Whilst I may have fantasised about pummeling the guy who interfered in my lifes face, I also considered the possibility that to do so, could have resulted in some form of custodial sentence or worse even. She (my ex) simply isn’t and more to the point wasn’t worth that. My children too had suffered enough already and really didn’t need to have their Dad in jail either, so Im thankful that I’ve managed to hold it together and work through the anger.
If you are reading this and contemplating revenge of some sort. Just stop for 5 minutes, just 300 seconds and think about the possible impact of your actions. Think of your kids, think of your parents, think of your friends, but above all think about you and your life and recognise that you are worth so much more than that.
Go scream at the wall, go for a run, get out on a bike, call a friend, call your mum or your dad. Do something with the pain, don’t let it eaat you up. She aint worth it. You are.
More books on Divorce
A great book on dealing with divorce - How to Have a Healthy Divorce: A Relate Guide
Putting Children First: A Handbook for Separated Parents
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:57 am
i agree with all of this as i feel loads of anger and grief ,i just want to exlode and lash and hurt and destructe ,them both ,but i have to be sensible about the whole issue
May 24th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Its not easy Chris, there is help out there if you need it. Dont try and deal with it all on your own, it’ll do your head in otherwise.
All the best