Divorce Blog

Divorce is tough

Divorce in itself is not an odd thing, its just a label for a process; the process of legal separation, the cessation of legally ordained marriage.

What it does to you though is certainly very odd indeed. I guess it really depends on the situation and whether you are on the giving or the receiving end of proceedings. I never thought that it would bother me. After all, I once left her, some 7 years back when basically I’d had enough of the perpetual squabbling, back biting, nagging and general miseriness. I felt exhilirated, free, at liberty to live a life how I wanted to, free from a person who did her utmost to attack or criticise my every move, and yet I went back to her. I couldn’t see her in pain, she was crushed and promised me she’d change, she pleaded with me to come back to her, she was in bits, and..well I still cared for her, I didn’t want to see her like that, to not go back and try again would have been cruel, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

So I went back. She accepted her part in our crap and we both resolved to move forward and give it all another go. For a time things were good. We got on ok, didn’t fight and I was kinda pleased that our relationship had been given the jolt it needed. We had a better appreciation for each other, or at least that’s what I thought at the time.

This time round, the shoe is on the other foot. I find myself out of the family home, unable to kiss my kids before they go to sleep and all the other readjustment crap that comes with having your marital life terminated. The weird thing is that even though I try and put my mindset to the fore of recognising that our marriage was a sham and that we were,for all intents and purposes fundamentally incompatible on so many levels, it does nonetheless feel pretty shitty to be on the receiving end. I guess its because she betrayed my trust and I kinda feel like she contrived the whole scenario just so she could get to be with some wanker I once called a friend.

Maybe its not so bad to feel like a complete fool. Deceit sucks, when you give of the best years of your life to someone and they repay you with what feels like the biggest kick in the bollocks you ever had, then maybe you’d be a little bit strange if you didn’t feel a little out of whack by it all. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m better off without the dumb bitch as well as remind myself of all her ugly ways, but thus far its just never enough. A hole still remains.

On the plus side, I’m almost over the revenge ideation and stuff like that. Im channelling my anger into positives and am determined to come through this whole thing a better, more rounded person.

Time does heal.

Posted in emotions, anger | 2 Comments »

DIY Divorce

If you can avoid using solicitors and legal professionals then it will certainly help keep costs down.

My ex and I have been separated for over 2 years now, which means we can just apply for a divorce without having to give grounds such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour. The fact we’ve lived apart is sufficient for us, and in a way is a good thing, as it means that we don’t have to get all adversarial as in she did this, or he did that etc.

In the UK, you can obtain the necessary forms from your local county court. Call them up, and they will send out the forms required. Its fairly straightforward. The tough part is filling the buggers in!

I guess Im lucky, in that my ex and I are on speaking terms, and have agreed how things are going to be.

As I have children, Ive decided its vital that they are put first. There really is no mileage to be had in being really awkward or obstropolous ( as much as I’d like to at times), as all I’ll do is damage myself and my children.

It can be very difficult mind, it is hard to put the anger, bitterness  and  ill will  to one side. It has to be done though, it remains unfinished business otherwise, and thats not good.

So, heres where I am in the process.

• Filled in forms got them all signed

The key parts of the forms were the arrangements for the children, and the finances. We managed to agree these without need of a 3rd party. Not everyone will be as fortunate and this is where some independant advice may come into its own.

Citizens advice bureau’s and other similar types of organisations have people on hand to give free advice and support in matters like these. If you are earning under a certain threshhold you can claim legal aid too.

The next step is to file them with the court, pay £300 and wait for a response.

Posted in legal, getting divorced | No Comments »

Divorce BLOG!

Divorce

Divorce is hard, I know, Im going through one now. Legal stuff, paperwork, re-organisation of your whole life, the kids, the finances, the emotions, the anger. Yes, there is quite a bit to deal with when you begin the divorce process.

Be we male or female, divorce isn’t easy. Anyone who says it is, or thinks it is, is just deluded or playing the I-dont-want-to-face-reality-game.

Anyhow, I’ve decided to write about it, share my experiences, vent my spleen, offer practical advice, show people where I’ve f***ed up, the ups , the downs and all that stuff. Who knows, maybe someone will benefit, get a perspective even, thats what counts I think.

Posted in moving on | No Comments »